Sunday, October 14, 2012

What Came First ?

Literally this question troubled me from the time i remember ...
we are humans, we are in earth , earth is just a planet , among trillions of stars and galaxies ,
and from where it all started ?

this is one fucked up question .i usually think all these kind of wierd questions in te night .
cause it gets me sleep ... u can let ur imagination float in no where ....

God created all these ? Then How God formed ?
I am a believer of God ! I worship God ...
so I am not trying to proove anything here .... but just strange question !!
Its true that i have not got the answer ....

Big Bang Theory ....
ok what before that ?
nothing is impossible !!

yes .... nothing is impossible ....
so there could be no such answer as nothing ....
but there should be nothing !!

what came first ?

The Unwanted Visitor - Death

it was a long time ago ,
when i was in school …around 3rd or 4th standard !!

i was in kerala that time ….
a small boy who sits on the petrol tank of bike and gets driven all the way to school by his dad .
wearing a half pant or rather called a trouser , i usual get my legs heated up by the heat of the metal tank …

i remember a lady staying in a nearby house . she was of my mother's age that time .
she was a school teacher and she had a daughter of my age …

she likes me a lot . when ever she passes by my house , she stops by and gives me a toffee and pats on my head…
(i am sure she would not have liked me if she was my teacher :) )
i liked her too :) for that i have not seen someone who is a teacher and loves kids !! and more important , i get my toffee almost every day …

it was  a routine and it became like my right to get the toffee each time she see me or i see her …
days went by and i dint see her ….
i asked my mom one day about her …

i don't remember what my mom replied that day 
but i started forgetting her as days passed by….
she was no more coming that way and giving me toffee ….

fews days or months later ,  i was coming back from school and a stranger passes by and smiled at me …..
he was bald and lean and  he was actually accompanied by another fat man …..
i know this man …….
the fat man who accompanied the bald fellow was the husband of the lady who used to give me toffees

that day when mom came back from office, i asked her what i saw .
who is that and why was he holding another bald man ?

she said to my shock that the bald man i saw was actually the lady who used to give me toffee and she got cancer …
i knew it was not easy for me to understand what really happened …
i had many questions like , why she shaved her head ?
why would some one do like that to themselves ? 
i know that mom really tried to tell me what it is , but i was not convinced !!
what is cancer ?
how would people loose hair when cancer comes ?
what is this ?

i felt a little sad the next following days (now not for the toffee , but for her )
because when she smiled , the last time she saw me , i dint smile back , as i thought its some strange balm man smiling at me !!

i walked to her house .
i was not really bold to knock at the door , as i thought she would be angry seeing me , as i dint smile last time (i was silly as i was a kid)
i remember very clearly me going till that house but not knocking the door .
once or twice i saw one or two people standing outside the house , and when asked where the aunty is , they would say she is sleeping or something ….

few weeks back , i saw a crowd outside her house and i came to know that she is dead .

life is not so easy all the times , right ?
the most important thing in life is relationships ….
it could be anyone - friends , family , relatives, teachers ,  anyone …..
its like how much happiness you got from someone in your life time, u will face that much pain all together when you loose them !!

death is a strange visitor
It comes as a surprise to our life and takes us leaving all our life behind there ….
there are no doors which can be closed n front of that visitor .

everything right now is right now .
there could be no later .
we can always know the first , but we never know the last.

we will never know the last time we see someone …..
its better to love everyone and expect nothing back ….

happy to live the moment to write this :)
when i realise now that the old man was the same lady i used to see and get toffees from daily ,
but i dint smile back when she smiled the last time , its something not explainable 
it doesn't change anything or it is not much of sense here …

But i know that life is like a movie played with no fast forward , rewind , pause buttons and we are audience glued to seats and when the movie ends , it ends for ever :)

crazy :)

Thursday, October 4, 2012

The Beauty of Dreams

In dreams

see people who are no more with us .
meets new people .

marry girl friend without any family fights .
kids !

getting the dream job

unable to run fast to escape from getting killed
everything moving fast other than us

flying (literally)

filthy rich ....